A presence of kindness and love
Nickie Aven has been volunteering at Rowcroft since March 2023 as a Spiritual Care volunteer. Her work involves providing support and a listening ear to patients and families when they need it most, by helping them find sources of comfort and strength which give their lives meaning. With 12 years of experience working as a homoeopath at a charity supporting families facing life-threatening illnesses and bereavement, Nickie brings a wealth of knowledge and empathy to her role. Her training as an Interfaith Minister, combined with her experience of holding funerals and offering spiritual counselling, uniquely equips her to provide compassionate care to our patients and their families.
Finding Rowcroft
Nickie has faced significant personal challenges, including the loss of her son in 2018 and her husband in 2019. After taking some time to grieve, Nickie shifted her focus away from homoeopathy and funerals and became General Manager of a retreat centre.
“I found myself drawn to holding retreats around dying and grieving,” says Nickie. “I also encouraged training for organisations and charities who worked in the same field, to hold their retreats with us. After a couple of years, I decided to embrace this work more fully.”
A day in the life
“A typical day at the hospice for me, involves a handover with Katie – Rowcroft’s Spiritual Care Specialist, visiting patients on the ward, writing up notes and participating in the Remembering Together time. This is a weekly opportunity for staff to join together to remember those whom Rowcroft have been caring for and who have died in the past week. I have also helped with the Space for Nature Bereavement Group, which usually includes spending time in the grounds, a creative and reflective activity, followed by tea and coffee, biscuits and a chat.
“When I work with patients and family members, I hold a space for them and I listen. Sometimes the conversation is just a general chat about anything at all – their lives, families, memories – and other times it’s about what is bothering them or making them anxious; the interactions vary.
“It can be challenging forming a new relationship from scratch in a very short space of time, to build trust and understanding, and get across what it is that we do in the spiritual care team. It’s not so much about religion (though that can be a part of it); it’s more about me listening to anything that is meaningful for people, hearing whatever they feel the need to express, and being a presence of kindness and love. I’m not there to impose anything, but to offer comfort at what is a difficult time.”
Facing challenges
“Sometimes I see people once and I never see them again. Other times, I get to know someone over a few weeks and then suddenly they’re not there anymore. That’s not so easy. It can though, be deeply rewarding doing this work, because people are grateful and I get to witness a lot of love.
“Every new person is somebody I don’t know, in a situation I don’t know. To make a connection with them, whether it’s with the person who is dying or their carer, is incredibly humbling; to feel like I am the vessel whereby solace reaches a person and that they needed what I could offer, that I am a vehicle for sharing kindness and humanity. This is a deep privilege.”
Bringing comfort and peace
“I also founded a chapter of the Threshold Choir in South Devon, a group of female singers who sing for people on the threshold of life and death. The tagline for the Threshold Choir is ‘kindness made audible’ and that is what we endeavour to bring. We sing at Rowcroft monthly, hoping that we bring comfort and peace to patients and their families. The songs we sing are an original repertoire – very soft and gentle like lullabies. At our practices, we don’t just learn songs, we also work around our own mortality because if we are going to be with people who are dying, we need to be able to face our own death. For me this isn’t morbid. Facing up to the fact that death is inevitable sharpens my appreciation for life.”
How to become a volunteer
If you would like to find out more about volunteering at Rowcroft and to explore current opportunities, please visit rowcrofthospice.org.uk/volunteers or call 01803 210852.
More blogs from Rowcroft:
- Honouring a friend in the Torbay Half Marathon
- A story of “life-changing” support
- A guiding light in grief
- The power of music therapy